I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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