I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
