i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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