You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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