"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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