ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
