he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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