She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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