toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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