Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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