the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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