why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
