This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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