office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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