Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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