idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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