Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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