i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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