I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
