you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
