His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
