i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
