im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
