My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
