maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
