I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
