Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
