i may or may not be watching the land before time
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
