3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
