I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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