Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
