I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
