so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
