Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
