somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
