Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
