He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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