@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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