cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
