Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
