Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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