how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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