This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
