i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
