I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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