im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
