Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
