I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
