Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
