at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
