Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
